You heard it here first, folks...

Interviewer: "Good morning to you all, and welcome to Phillip Kingston, the newly elected leader of the British Values party."
Looking as relaxed as I could, and holding a smile on my face (this interview is MINE, I thought!) "Thank you, Steven. Let's see if it a pleasure for me to be here, shall we?"
A slightly confused look on his face: "Um - pardon? I'm not sure I understand..."
Still with a smile on my face "Yes you do, so don't play the patsy with me. That's just insulting - to me, and all of the people who will end up watching this. Did you even watch the Tommy Robinson interview, or did you just hear from someone who said they knew someone who had seen the edited highlights?"
"Mr Kingston, there's no reason to be starting this interview in a hostile manner..."
My smile was a good as always - yes, this is mine... A slightly shocked look on my face "Hostile? Me? I'm not in the least bit hostile, as you full well know!" I laughed - that always annoys them. I giggled, almost to off-camera. "Hostile? Me? That's a joke...So, what is it that you think you want to trip me up on - even though I probably already know...?"
Trying to get control back "Mr Kingston, that's a bit harsh. We invited you here for a discussion on you and the very new party..."
Me, interrupting, but still smiling and chuckling. "No you didn't. You got me here to try desperately to stitch me up. You know it, I know it, and the millions who are watching this already know it. You are already planning to edit this session, and putting the bits together to put me and the party in a bad light. I, on the other hand, decided to turn up anyway, because I need this publicity, and the party will only benefit from it, once they see how this session turns out."
I paused, he paused, and I smiled and said "So, Steven, do you have a first question...?"
By now it was clear to me, and probably a lot of the viewers, that Steven here, a seasoned interviewer (read: good at hatchet jobs) was a little riled, but he shuffled the papers in front of him, and started out with "Mr Kingston, your new party has made some rapid growth in membership, if we can understand the figures, and the recently published manifesto goes into some detail, so I wondered if we could start with you first - who you are - and then go through the main points of the manifesto?"
"Of course. What do you want to know?"
Silence, and then "I thought I just said. I want to know about you."
"Yes. What do you want to know about me?"
More silence, then "Mr Kingston, it's a simple question, surely?"
"Is it? Do you really think that? Hmmm, let me think... OK, you are a man, you are currently interviewing me - so tell me about yourself."
"That's not how this is supposed to work."
"Well, it will work when you can ask me a clear question, one that I can answer within the short time-frame of this interview. You have asked me a nothing question. To describe me and my life will take more than the 25 seconds that you are going to allow me to answer it, so you will have to start by being clear."
Re-shuffling the papers, and getting more riled by the second (a lovely thing to see...) he continued with "Very well, the party. How has that come about, and how do you explain the rapid growth in numbers?"
"I think I can answer the first part, by going back over ground that you know about already, and I am sure that most of the viewers already know about, too. And yes, it concerns a number of factors, and if you only talk about any one of them, in isolation, then you are wasting everyone's time. So, Steven, what's it to be? Shall I try my best to explain properly, or are you just going to hatchet job me, like you have done to all of the others you've interviewed?" I smiled at him - it just kills them when you keep smiling, no matter what you are talking about!